9. the end of the world

This old song, "the end of the world" (not by U2)

"why do the birds go on singing..."

represents to me everything I was taught about love.

"don't they know ... it's the end of the world ... when you don't love me anymore..."

You grow titties & a butt, you learn to put on makeup & fix your hair, you develop some skill in things you're interested in, and POOF! You meet a handsome, sensitive, but rugged, prince, fall in love, get married, and have babies. Just like in the Disney movies.

If you fall in love & they don't love you back you die of a broken heart.

That part I got down long ago.

What the songs really didn't prepare me for was when the reverse was true. I still can't really tell if it's harder being the hurt-ee or the hurt-er. Both suck big muddy hog dicks.

The U2 song by the same title is more representative of the truths of love that I've learned on my own.

"waves of regret & waves of joy I reached out for the one I tried to destroy"

Love. It builds up and destroys. It is the greatest happiness and the greatest sorrow. Everyone you really love is a little bit of who you are. If you love no one, and are not loved, even by yourself, then you must be a pretty empty person.
Everyone you love, you will lose someday, someway. If not, then THEY will lose YOU.
But we keep taking that chance.

All the talk & worry & shame & bullshit about "teen sex!"!!
People, it's not the SEX that kills you; it's the LOVE!! I say, give 'em condoms and tell 'em to have fun! ... that's why I don't have custody, though...

I just realized that everyone you HATE is also a little bit of who you are, too! See, that's why I do this ... I want to learn things from myself!!! Hahaha! I almost made myself lol...
So that explains a lot right there. I've been noticing that what I remember is every insult, reprimand, criticism, or even false rumor I ever heard about myself, instead of all the good & positive things people were throwing my way too! I've brought more of the negative with me, that's for sure. I'm sick of it. I'm throwing it back.

I was gonna write more today about my plan for world domination & mind-and birth-control, and also about my plan to quit smoking, and the fact that I only edited my post from yesterday, not completely deleted it, which proves to me that I CAN drink beer & write at the same time, but only it sometimes makes me write kind of long, rambling sentences, which can only lead the reader to wish I'd written about the msn story about the best places other than bars to meet men and how I'd have thrown in my addendum to that article to read "and don't take your kids, cause no reasonable man is gonna want another man's child to help raise, or even spend the weekends with, so just DON'T FUCKING HAVE BABIES BEFORE YOU CAN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEM ON YOUR OWN!"

And get to know yourself before you ever fall in love, if possible.

I'm gonna do a cover of that song, the Dusty Springfield one, cause it's just fun to sing, and it's sooooo pretty!

it's only monday,
love,
azb