the Bitch is Back

I can't believe it's been so long.

When I first realized that Daddy's being drunk would rip the household into shreds, I followed my sister's example and burst into tears and retreated into our room.
She couldn't help me when she was so upset.
Perhaps this is when I began going into the closet. I spent a great deal of time in that walk-in closet. I had a lamp whose shade was a set of four of those big-eyed harlequin children prints. They were so freakin' beautiful! I'd turn that little lamp on and read, read, read. I also used to burn candles & melt crayons down the side in there, but I digress.
A little later, one night when Daddy was drunk, and I guess my sister wasn't home, but my brother was about to leave in his OWN CAR, and I said "Can I come with you?" and he LET ME! and I realized that a driver's license was a ticket to freedom! I was very lucky to have such a cool big brother. We just rode around and listened to the radio. I don't think we said much that night.
Then later, one night we were all at the kitchen table eating supper when the Drunk started his Shit again. I don't remember who left first; I think is was Sis, having already burst into tears. For the first time I didn't follow her. I was hungry. I think Mama went next, and then after yet another smart-assed remark from Daddy, the Bro left too. I was still eating my supper. I didn't plan to let them ruin my meal.
Daddy looked at me and said "Lee, you the only one-a my family that will stand up to me. I like that."
Needless to say, that was etched into my brain for later use.
Of course, even later still, I was the only buffer zone left between Mama & Daddy, and I didn't appreciate the position, nor did I appreciate them using me against each other in their little war of ethics, standards & practices. So I used the knowledge I'd gained, and I chose to be strong, cry, run, hide AND drink, but I never turned into the bitch that was my Mama.
Instead I turned into a bitch of my very own devise.