a Brilliantly Colored Patch

Here's a little story with a moral. I'm just not sure what the moral is...
One Friday Night in September, 10th grade
After the ballgame, everyone goes "uptown" - that's what we call it. You drive from the country to town, circle the court square, then to the Jitney Jungle parking lot. You know.
Back then, I swear, you could ride around drinking beer & smoking pot all day & night, and as long as you didn't get into a fight or a wreck, you'd be ok. You had to do something extremely stupid to have to go to jail or get a DUI. You could park at that lot, get out, walk around, and see practically everyone you knew. Just like Dazed & Confused...
ANYway, I was not really a smoker or drinker (yet) at the time, but I was absoLUTEly into boys. As one of those "lucky" girls who blossomed early, I'd been getting the occasional sugar since about the 7th grade.
It was always about the sugar. Good kissin' is more important than looks, money, or cars!
It's like the girl on Happy Days said, "I'm not FAST, but I like to KISS."
So my friends, t & s, wanted this guy who we all knew, from another school, to get them some wine, and he was like, "Yeah, if Miss _____ (me) will hang out with me later." and I, taking in his beautiful eyes, and wondering how HE might kiss, said "Sure!"
I wasn't going to be DRINKing, after all, and neither was he.
He was really really cute & fairly popular, I guess. We were almost practically kinfolk. Just a good ol boy.
So t & s went their way & we went ours, with the old "be back in 30" thang, and we went parking on the outskirts of town.
I'm sure we talked, but I don't know what about. I'm sure we listened to some music, but I don't remember what, and that's really odd cause I remember what music was playing in every memory of my life so far.
I know he kissed me, which I wanted, but I don't have any recollection of it at all.
What I DO remember is his penis SUDDENly being out, loose in his lap, and him trying to force my hand upon it.
WHOA! i said, WHAT are you doing?
He was trying to MAKE me touch him. I'd never touched a bare penis, and I was nowhere NEAR being turned on enough right then to do so! He was PAWING, mauling me, just like they do in those movies from the 60s & 70s. But I still wanted to like him! I was so confused, but I managed to get him off me. That's when he said, "Just rub it a little bit & I won't put you outta my truck."
I was only 15, and a little naive, but I could not believe this horse shit!
"You've gotta be kidding!"
He completely stopped smiling (and I realized that I'd never REALly seen him smile!) and his eyes went black (they're what you call "beady" for sure!) and he said "I'm not going to rape you or anything. Just rub it a little and I'll take you back to town, or don't and I'll leave you here, and tell everybody you sucked it."
So I rubbed it a little. He didn't even get off. I think I pissed him off with my lack of expertise.
"Now take me back!"
He rather hastily took me back to my friends. I was a little freaked out, then I wondered if either of those two had ever been alone with him. But I spoke not a word, and went on about my life as if it had never happened. I sure as hell avoided that guy from then on. He seemed to get stranger & stranger as the years went by...
I never told ANYbody about that, and it would have probably faded into the back of my mind like so many other random, uncomfortable memories, except for the Thing that happened about 10 years later.
That guy slashed & choked a girl to death.
When they arrested him, many nice people claimed they didn't think he could possibly have done such a thing, but I was not surprised at all.
And then, the evidence was overwhelming. I believe he's serving a life sentence.
I wonder how many other girls this guy roughed around. As he was only 17 or 18 with me that time, and he was always with a girl, I'd bet quite a few. And I'd bet at least a couple were hurt pretty badly. This kind of behavior only gets worse with age. After the murder & trial, all sorts of rumors came out about things like domestic violence, beastiality, anti-social behavior.
I also wonder if me & all those others had spoken out long ago, he might have gotten some help or been put away (or down) before he made that final leap away from the human race.
They blamed it on drugs & Satan, I think. That's such bullshit.
This is an unresolved issue in my head. It's a tiny, but brilliantly colored patch on my guilt quilt.
I think about her every day, and if I could time-travel, she'd still be here.